Monday, December 26, 2011

You guys are just awful!

I hope you all had a lovely Christmas yesterday, if you celebrate it. We all have the flu and I've lost my voice completely but I think you'll see from the below that I have a voice when it counts.

Last week, Tawna Fenske said this in one of her blog posts:
"Oh, and thanks to the more than dozen readers who emailed yesterday to alert me that my Wednesday blog failed to post, or to inquire if I had dropped dead following an all-night orgy involving Daniel Craig, George Clooney, and Lyle Lovett."

Immediately, I sunk into a spiky pit of depression, its maws of grey sadness pulsating and sick (and not just because Tawna included Lyle Lovett in her all night orgy fantasy). You see, *I* have never received any emails of concern from readers when I fail to post a blog post. Not one single person ever paused to email me and ask if Alexander Skarsgard has whisked me away to a private island for a weekend of nonstop romping involving raspberries, chocolate, and several pieces of Tiffany diamond jewelry strewn rather haphazardly across my person--that is, they became askew after the vigorous ministrations and love-filled gestures from Alexander to moi. Of course, Alexander decided that the weekend was far too short--it always is, isn't it?--and booked us into the place (pure luxury by the way, but one of those clever places built to look like a hut so that you think you're being all primitive when in fact you never see so much as a gnat during your entire stay) for a month.

Alex also let me sleep for several nights on end. He's so great. :)

About six days into the stay (which Alexander soon extends into three months because he can't get enough of me--he would have done six except he's got a filming schedule to stick to, you know), Joesph Fiennes arrives in a creaky old motorboat that's seen better days, operated by a toothless guide who initially eyes the luxury hut with a large dollop of disgust but soon changes his expression to one of joy when he catches sight of the pure love Alexander has for moi. Joseph is half-mad with grief and outrage that Alexander has stolen me away, and the two nearly come to blows when I interject and explain to Joseph, not without some regret,  that while I will always love him, Alexander just wins out. I do hate myself a tiny bit when a placated Alexander disappears into the all-stainless steel, marble countertop kitchen that has hosted some of our romps to make a mojito for me, because I whisper to Joseph that I'll see him again. I can't possibly stay away when faced with that face and those eyes, can I? No! No one would blame me either. Joseph, who shares the empathetic heart Alexander has, can't bear to be the means by which my moral fibre disintegrates, so he protests and sadly returns to the boat to hear promises from the toothless guide that he should not fear, for the careful man who plans wins, and if Joseph plays his cards right, he'll have his tropical-romp-six-month-love-nest day with me in the end. Joseph smiles sadly as Alexander returns with my mojito and runs the back of one finger along my jaw bone, returning my attention to him--not difficult since he isn't wearing a shirt (why would he?) and Joseph is--and the guide shoves off in dark waters while I remain behind, wrapped in the golden ASkars embrace.

Not a single person has emailed me about that. I'm terribly hurt!


Cathryn Leigh said...

Well... How can I not comment on a plea like that. :} (I haven't received any of those types of e-mails myself)

So how was that weekend turned months? I must say I'm jealous of your imagination.

:} Cathryn

Diane Henders said...

I know. I'm terrible, and I apologize. But you, see, I couldn't get to my computer to comment because I was being whisked away to a tropical island love nest...

Never mind. You know the story. Smokin' hot half-clad stud, yada, yada. Just like every weekend. It's so tiring to be irresistable.

(Don't I wish.) :-)

Patty Blount said...

I feel your pain.

No one has checked on me and my blog either. (I took a blog sabbatical to focus on revisions.) *sobs in the corner*

Sierra Godfrey said...

Cathryn, that weekend-months has been great! :)

Diane, I agree it is a huge burden being this desirable to such studs as Alexander and Joseph.

Patty, I think we know who to blame for this (starts with T and ends with A!)

Tawna Fenske said...

LOL, you crack me up!

For the record, one of the people who sent a worried email about my lack of a blog post was my mother :)


Tawna Fenske said...

Sierra, I just read your comment to Patty and had to laugh. My gentleman friend has taken to calling me "TnA." This amuses me.


Sierra Godfrey said...

Tawna, you are all TnA to me! It's good to know your mother reads so attentively. Mine lurks and then makes weird references to things I wrote a while ago--but only if they're about her.

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