Monday, April 2, 2012
So he said, "Looks like an ingrown toenail." And takes off the gloves, types some notes up, and then--then!--touches the toe again, without the glove! I mean!! I stared at him, thankful I never wanted to be a doctor. Can you imagine the level of disgusting things you must bend over and look at, and touch? My little red ingrown toenail, which may or may not actually be an ingrown toenail, and in fact may very well be the starting point of an international plague, was hardly the grossest thing to come in his office I'm sure. But honestly.
Naturally, it got me thinking. We never read these disgusting details in books. If my doctor's office visit were in a book, it would have been all: "'Hi Sierra, let's have a looky-loo at that toe, my my my looks like an ingrown toenail,' said the brave doctor, using his thumb and forefinger to turn the toe this way and that to have a good look. Then he stood up, typed some notes, drank a glass of water, scratched his chin, wiped at his eye with his finger, and shook my hand goodbye."
No, no, no.
Look, no one wants to write about gross details, and probably no one wants to read them. No where was this more clear than when I was recently reading Roni Loren's debut novel, Crash Into You. Roni writes erotic fiction and I confess I've only read two other books in that genre (incidentally, both recommendations from her). But one thing that strikes me about the steamy sex scenes, including the ones in Roni's book, is that the ladies are a) never dirty or smelly (or if they are, the guys don't mind it), and b) never on their periods. If they are, I guess the story takes a break. It must be a veritable sex-fest when the heroine isn't menstruating.
(Important disclaimer before we go on. I am not asking for menstruation sex scenes. Repeat: not. Just saying, though, that it never comes up.)
It's kind of like when I read Twilight and Edward was constantly slavering over Bella and going "Arrgh I can smell your blood from ten miles away!" and every time he said that, I thought, mein Gott! What happens when Bella's on her period? How can Edward stand it? Pretty much she'll have to go far, far away from him for a good week out of every month! How's he going to protect her from the aggro angry vampires when she's on her period?
Exactly. Another mystery never solved.
You ever run across any gross details in books? Tell me! I'll get them on my reading list. :)