Monday, January 28, 2013

Amusing Spam

My blog has been hit with a ton of spam comments recently. My comment system, Disqus, catches them and doesn't publish them, but I get emails for each one anyway. It's nice because I don't have to police my comments, but I get the benefit of reading some truly amusing crap.

And as a quick introduction to spam comments for those of you not familiar, the point of most spam comments is to place a link to a website on your blog, which increases the Google rankings of their website. Therefore, the comments seek to fit in as a regular comment so you won't notice it's there, and the link remains. Usually the people writing these comments are in India, hence the garbled English. You may also get emails from people requesting to do a guest blog post on your blog, but they have nothing to do with writing--those are also spam with the sole intention of getting their link on your blog. Put simply, the more links to a website that exist, the better its Google rankings. Spammers see blogs, especially older posts, as a vast field on which they are free to leave their links like scattered poop.

Anyway, here's a collection of some of the best ones I've gotten. I have omitted all their links (obvs).


"Glance advanced to more introduced agreeable from you!"
This is my all-time favorite. I don't even know what this means, but it delighted me. I would like to glance advanced with people, too! How happy that sounds!

"Howdy! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a team of volunteers and starting a new project in a community in the same niche. Your blog provided us useful information to work on. You have done a marvellous job! Take a look at our website: drunk party!"
This is one of the more clever spam comments because it seeks to flatter, and flattery gets you everywhere. However, I really loved how they were a team of volunteers starting a new project in a community of drunk parties. Although....were they insinuating that my blog is in the same niche as drunk parties? Look, I know my posts can be silly, but come on. That's harsh. Was it the toenail post? It was, wasn't it?

"excellent publish, very informative. I wonder why the other specialists of this sector don't notice this. You should continue your writing. I am sure, you've a huge readers' base already!"
You know what, I've also wondered why the other specialists of this sector don't notice my blog, too! It's outrageous. 

"These are really wonderful ideas in concerning blogging. You have touched some pleasant factors here. Any way keep up wrinting."
I don't want to touch anyone's pleasant factors. Gross. But yes, I will keep up wrinting. What is that, by the way? It sounds painful. 

"Actually when someone doesn't know afterward its up to other people that they will assist, so here it happens."
It certainly does.

"You can very comfortably fill this form with your personal details that are genuine while you are
a the comfort of your office or home. There is no need for you to rummage through your paperwork, getting documentations, and filling out a long and dreadful application, because cash advances and convenience go hand in hand."

Personally, I'm thrilled to have gotten this spam comment, because I was spending a lot of time worrying about rummaging through my paperwork and getting my documentations and filling out dreadful applications (who says "dreadful" anymore? We all should, I tell you). Who knew my blog provided a form for avoiding all that? Must be the Disqus comment system. They're great for avoiding rummaging through paperwork and dreadful applications just to comment on a blog.


"Hi, Neat post. There's a problem along with your website in web explorer, might test this? IE still is the market chief and a large part of other people will leave out your excellent writing due to this problem."
If you're still using IE, then writing spam comments is the least of your problems. 

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