Monday, January 28, 2013

Amusing Spam

My blog has been hit with a ton of spam comments recently. My comment system, Disqus, catches them and doesn't publish them, but I get emails for each one anyway. It's nice because I don't have to police my comments, but I get the benefit of reading some truly amusing crap.

And as a quick introduction to spam comments for those of you not familiar, the point of most spam comments is to place a link to a website on your blog, which increases the Google rankings of their website. Therefore, the comments seek to fit in as a regular comment so you won't notice it's there, and the link remains. Usually the people writing these comments are in India, hence the garbled English. You may also get emails from people requesting to do a guest blog post on your blog, but they have nothing to do with writing--those are also spam with the sole intention of getting their link on your blog. Put simply, the more links to a website that exist, the better its Google rankings. Spammers see blogs, especially older posts, as a vast field on which they are free to leave their links like scattered poop.

Anyway, here's a collection of some of the best ones I've gotten. I have omitted all their links (obvs).

"Glance advanced to more introduced agreeable from you!"
This is my all-time favorite. I don't even know what this means, but it delighted me. I would like to glance advanced with people, too! How happy that sounds!

"Howdy! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a team of volunteers and starting a new project in a community in the same niche. Your blog provided us useful information to work on. You have done a marvellous job! Take a look at our website: drunk party!"
This is one of the more clever spam comments because it seeks to flatter, and flattery gets you everywhere. However, I really loved how they were a team of volunteers starting a new project in a community of drunk parties. Although....were they insinuating that my blog is in the same niche as drunk parties? Look, I know my posts can be silly, but come on. That's harsh. Was it the toenail post? It was, wasn't it?

"excellent publish, very informative. I wonder why the other specialists of this sector don't notice this. You should continue your writing. I am sure, you've a huge readers' base already!"
You know what, I've also wondered why the other specialists of this sector don't notice my blog, too! It's outrageous. 

"These are really wonderful ideas in concerning blogging. You have touched some pleasant factors here. Any way keep up wrinting."
I don't want to touch anyone's pleasant factors. Gross. But yes, I will keep up wrinting. What is that, by the way? It sounds painful. 

"Actually when someone doesn't know afterward its up to other people that they will assist, so here it happens."
It certainly does.

"You can very comfortably fill this form with your personal details that are genuine while you are
a the comfort of your office or home. There is no need for you to rummage through your paperwork, getting documentations, and filling out a long and dreadful application, because cash advances and convenience go hand in hand."

Personally, I'm thrilled to have gotten this spam comment, because I was spending a lot of time worrying about rummaging through my paperwork and getting my documentations and filling out dreadful applications (who says "dreadful" anymore? We all should, I tell you). Who knew my blog provided a form for avoiding all that? Must be the Disqus comment system. They're great for avoiding rummaging through paperwork and dreadful applications just to comment on a blog.

"Hi, Neat post. There's a problem along with your website in web explorer, might test this? IE still is the market chief and a large part of other people will leave out your excellent writing due to this problem."
If you're still using IE, then writing spam comments is the least of your problems. 

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Writers and Meatball Subs

The other night Mr. Sierra and I were watching 30 Rock-- we only recently discovered the show (I know) and we're watching it from the very first season on Netflix streaming. We're in the second season right now and there's an episode where Lemon orders a big meatball sub for pick up on her way home. The sub shop guy totally knows her, because she orders it often. Then her boss Jack comes along and makes fun of her for ordering a sub and staying in to work, read, and watch TV. He tells her to go out and have fun. (Remember this episode? I bet you do, because we're the last people on earth to realize this was a good show.) Later, she goes out with a younger guy to an art gallery opening, late at night. It's supposed to be the happening scene, and she's supposed to be out and about and living life.

Quite frankly, I preferred the meatball sub.

The older I get, the more I like my house. To writers, this probably doesn't come as much of a surprise since we all like sequestering ourselves away with our computers, hot drinks, chocolate, and maybe a furry animal. And silence.

The below image is pretty much spot on. I'm betting many of you can relate. God, it's a bit sad, isn't it?
What about you? Is this you, or am I just old? Are you a party animal? Is this how we are?

Monday, January 21, 2013

5 Things I Love Right Now

1. Bassnectar and Underworld. That dubstep wonder Bassnectar finally -- finally, God, yes!! -- remixed an Underworld song. I know this won't mean much to most of you but I don't care, Underworld is my most favorite band ev-ah and I'm a huge Bassnectar fan so this is just.....ahhh. Listen here. Bassnectar is this guy named Lorin, who coincidentally is from the same Californian town I'm from (Santa Cruz) and I don't think he really cares whether or not I worship Underworld and am over the moon that he remixed a song of theirs. But I care and that's what counts, right Lorin? Right? 

2. Downtown Abbey. The drama, oh the drama! Can you believe poor Edith being left like that? Even I felt bad for her, and not the least of why because she speaks so charmingly upper anal retentively, more than anyone else. She and whats-his-face were made for each other, they were so upper crusty! I love DA so much that I've started calling the cat "old chap."

3. Africa on Discovery Channel. Mein Gott, this show! I can't stop talking about it. Look, we've all seen loads of African animal documentaries but this one is fresh and crisp and stunning...and they show things I've never seen before, like the rare spoonbill bird and the horned grasshopper trying to sneak into bird nests and snack on baby birds only to get shoved out by the returning mama bird and then the grasshopper sprays acid blood at her but it's too late and he falls to the ground and he's all "I'm fine, it's all good" but the other grasshoppers are all "Riiiiggght, why do we smell your acid blood then?" and then they advance on him and eat him. Discovery channel on Tuesday nights. One of the best shows I've ever seen. Also, it's narrated by Forest Whitaker and he does a superb job--one of the best documentary narrations I've ever heard. Really. Here's how good Forest is: I've half fallen in love with him based on the sound of his voice. And that's saying something.

4. Monchego cheese. I don't think any more needs to be said on this subject.

5. Having things in writing. Confidential to a certain someone, having things in writing is so sweet, and I am thrilled for you. As well, I love it when I have things in writing from clients or other people and then something happens where they're all "unnh!" and I'm all "Unnhh! I have it right here from you, remember!" And then they're all "sorry."

Friday, January 11, 2013

Writing resolutions

Are you one of those people who made new year's resolutions? I never do, because I'm afraid of them not working out. But this year I have some definite goals for myself. They are:

  • Write more honestly. This is hard, and easy. It means letting go a bit and writing what I want and less what I think imaginary people want to read.
  • Read more blogs. I'll be honest. I used to read writer blogs every day. I used to have a huge list and I would methodically go down it. I learned a lot! I made great contacts! But I simply have not had time to do it in the past year or so and I find I miss it. If you don't stay on top of what's happening in the publishing world, you'll be out of touch because it's changing so fast. So, I'll start my circuit again.
  • Move on. This is also simple and hard. It means moving forward with a plan and renewed determination, and it means abandoning things that don't work. I'm not even talking about writing projects. I'm talking about trying to do things that don't work. One small example is that I keep trying to have blog contests here. I have good prizes! No one cares. Sticking to the basics is my best bet. 
What are YOUR resolutions for yourself, about writing or otherwise? I love hearing about them. 

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Superstastic Winter Writing Challenge Final Check in!

So! It turns out that there's a reason you don't see many December/holiday writing challenges around and that would be because most peeps are too busy to do it. I certainly was. I really got back in the saddle this past weekend. So I sure haven't done much, although I will say I'm as driven as I ever was. But I'm glad I took a break.

So, how did you fare? If you entered the challenge and posted here on the first post, check and in and say how you did and I'll choose a random participant to receive the cookbook cache!

And if anyone wants to host a January one, I bet you'll have more takers :)